A full service escort's view on: Pornography

Is it damaging, fun or educational? Perhaps all three

Photo by franco alva on Unsplash

Escort and porn performer are equally valid jobs and both come under the umbrella of sex work. As an independent escort I support all of my sex industry colleagues, after all, we are all subject to judgment and stigma. However, I do have mixed views on pornography as a whole and am often undecided as to whether it is helpful, harmful or just a bit of fun.

I don’t believe porn is inherently bad. Watching people have sex on screen isn’t sinful or depraved as long as all parties are consenting. In some ways it can be educational, people are naturally curious about nudity, bodies, about what sex is and what it can mean. Not that porn should by any means be a replacement for sex education but it can help answer questions people feel too awkward to ask in real life.

Watching porn can be pleasurable, it can open one’s mind, enhance one’s sex life and be fun. A consenting adult watching one, two or more other consenting adults engage in sexual acts isn’t wrong, as long as it’s done in moderation. That’s the key: moderation.

30 plus years ago porn wasn’t available 24/7 at the touch of a button. It was mostly consumed through buying or renting X rated videos, usually showing “vanilla” sex acts, and once the video was over there was no endless reel of videos to keep the viewer engaged like there is now. In my opinion the main problems with porn come from the way it is consumed in today’s world.

Nowadays watching porn is becoming normalised, it is no longer considered “perverted” or “dirty” by most of society. Pornographic imagery is something most internet users have come across whether by accident or not. For those inclined it is far too easy to spend an entire day lost down a pornographic rabbit hole, scrolling through videos and wanking for hours at a time. Someone may start out watching a couple have vanilla sex, then curious to see what the next video is they watch that too, then the next, then the next. They are offered videos displaying kink or fetish acts so, curious, they watch that, then they watch a different fantasy and then another. Soon vanilla becomes boring, then threesomes become boring, then bondage and pegging become dull. Over the course of a few months the viewer has become so desensitised they are unsure of what is unusual and what isn’t.

I’m the last person to kink shame, it’s actually great that people are open minded and willing to explore in the bedroom nowadays. As an escort of 12 years, I’ve noticed the requests I receive from my clients get kinkier over the years, likely due to porn. I advertise as kink friendly and enjoy exploring so I’m not complaining, it’s merely an observation. The issue comes when an individual who has been watching porn involving anal, bondage, choking etc on a daily basis becomes so desensitised they believe these acts are “normal” and assume that everyone wants to partake. This can be a real problem when dating and getting intimate with a person who does not share the same views.

I’ve noticed an increase in clients who do not interact with me at all in the bedroom. It’s unnerving, they simply lay on the bed and stare as if I were a porn actress on a screen. Horny men have always been gormless! But in recent years I feel like some men have become porn brained, they are not used to actually touching another person, speaking or moving (moving anything other than one hand anyway!) during sexual situations. They expect their partner to entertain them whilst they get off, forgetting that sex is a two (or more!) person game.

The age in which people first access porn is getting younger. When I was a teen 20 years ago, I remember friends whispering about sexual videos they had stumbled across online. It was there, but a wild, sordid thing we had very limited access to. Even if I had the desire to search for porn, my only access to the internet was through the shared family computer located in the busy living room- I wouldn’t have dared search for anything explicit! Teens nowadays have access to the entire world on a handheld device they can use anytime, anywhere. Of course, porn sites have age restrictions but these are relatively easy to bypass especially if parental controls haven’t been set up. Some young people are able to view wildly inappropriate videos on a regular basis years before they have any intimate experiences in person.

As an escort, I’ve met young men in their early 20’s who, after years of watching porn on a regular basis, struggle to maintain an erection. Even those who can get erect often cannot orgasm unless they close their eyes and use their hand, it’s as if their brains have been wired to only get off to porn. Lads in supposedly the prime off their life being unable to have sex is a problem I foresee getting a lot worse in the future. I feel sorry for them, they feel embarrassed and need help although I honestly don’t know if the damage can be undone.

Although I believe technology has created a lot of problems around porn consumption, there is one positive – the rise in independent content creators. We need to accept that porn will always exist so the more ethical it is the better. Online platforms, most famously Onlyfans, mean porn creators can now easily work independently, filming videos they feel comfortable with and on their terms. Performers don’t need to be tied into exploitive contracts by big pornography firms. They get to keep all of the profit (aside from the platform fee) and have full control over where their work is uploaded.

Nowadays anyone can create porn and I firmly believe this is a positive thing. Sex work has always been an accessible way for anyone to make money when in need regardless of qualifications or work experience. As we noticed during the pandemic, people who found themselves out of work posted videos on Onlyfans and made enough money to pay their bills and get by. People who are unable to do other forms of sex work due to disability, lack of transport, illness etc can earn a living from home and the passive income which comes rolling in from videos uploaded months prior mean that workers busy with other commitments can still earn a living.

As there are no barriers to independent content creation we now see people with all body types, of all races, ages and genders successfully creating videos and gaining online followers thus combating stereotypes around what it means to be sexually attractive. For an industry often accused of perpetuating unrealistic body standards, this increase in diversity and body positivity is encouraging.

Now that Onlyfans is a household name, more people are having conversations around sex work. We still have a long way to go, there is an awful lot of stigma surrounding the industry as a whole but knowing that “ordinary” people can be adult content creators displays that sex workers are humans deserving of rights.

Porn becoming more mainstream means there is a high chance that when scrolling through social media I may unwittingly come across explicit content, a nude or lingerie shot from an content creator. This can be confronting and of course nobody should be forced to see nude photos unless they want to - yet it seems to be a feature of the internet. On the positive side, sex is a natural thing and people shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it, porn is great at starting those discussions and showing that sex itself is not taboo.

So my thoughts on porn: Like everything I believe porn is okay in moderation. If people want to create porn consensually and ethically then they should have the right to. If adults want to watch other consenting adults have sex then why not? The biggest issue for me is the extremes in both consumption and content. People watching more porn than ever before is the choice of the individual rather than the fault of the porn itself. The online algorithms are designed to draw people in and it works. Extreme porn is easily accessible but it’s down to the viewer to either turn it off or watch it with caution.

Nowadays many of our daily activities are done from a screen; working, shopping, socialising… so I suppose it’s only natural that some people’s sex lives have also gone that way. However, I do believe it that it is healthier, more exciting and far more fulfilling to have sex with a human in the real world. Porn viewers need to remember that they are watching actors perform a show and be mindful to not let it damage or replace the interactions they have in real life.

The Secret Escort x

What are your views? Comment below and let’s start a discussion :)