Are escort clients getting younger?

(or am I getting older?)

Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

When most people envision an escort booking, they imagine a younger woman with an older man. Maybe because typically older men have the funds? Perhaps they assume older men are unable to attract a younger woman organically? Because the media likes to sensationalise power imbalance? As with most stereotypes if we look at the larger picture, we see a very different story.

When I first started in the escort business, back in 2012, the majority of my clientele were older than me. Of course they were, I was only 20 years old, there were only a handful of adults younger than me. I say the majority of my clients as I distinctly recall one nervous 18 year old lad who booked me for a 30 minute fling, but everyone else was vastly older. I met men in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s… even one chap in his 80’s!

12 years on and things have changed dramatically. I’m now in my early 30’s and although I still see older gents, more and more enquiries from younger men are sliding into my inbox.

 Men* in their 20’s and early 30’s aren’t usually rich, they usually aren’t looking to supplement a sexless marriage, they aren’t going through a mid-life crisis and they are the very opposite to the sleazy sex work clientele depicted in the media.

My theories as to why more young men are booking escorts than ever before:

Online dating is dire

My friends who frequent dating sites constantly complain about the lack of compatible partners. The perils of connecting with someone only to have them ghost a few weeks later or who cancel on dates last minute sounds incredibly frustrating. Not to mention with the catfish-ers, the dick pics and the romance scams… online dating is a minefield.

 It’s therefore unsurprising that single men find it easier to book an escort than invest hours of their time chatting to a lady on a dating site only to have them ghost before they have a chance to meet.

When booking an escort, there are no games. It takes a couple of simple messages to arrange and a date is set. The expectations of the date are laid out pure and simple before they meet, sex is pretty much guaranteed and if they don’t want to see each other again no hearts get broken. If someone is looking for a no-strings attached date, booking a sex worker is ideal and a lot less hassle than trawling through dating profiles.

Social awkwardness

In a world where people are becoming more insular when working from home and socialising online, social awkwardness is becoming increasingly prevalent.

Young lads who came of age during the time of lockdowns didn’t have the experience of hitting the night clubs every weekend the moment they turned 18, they lost out on key in-person socialising as a young adult and the potential to meet partners in person. If they were already shy and struggled socially, those problems were only intensified when they were forced to work or study from home. Many young adults now socialise from behind a screen and find it nerve wracking to flirt with those they find attractive in person.

The young men who enquire about bookings with me are the shy, nerdy type. Brilliant to have as clients as they are sweet, respectful and eager to do everything right, yet despite how lovely they are during bookings, I understand their struggle with confidence when approaching a women in the “real world”. Booking an escort is therefore a far easier way for them to arrange a date.

Young people are single for longer

In the past, most 20-something year olds were busy getting married and having kids, far too wrapped up in family life to consider seeing sex workers (that usually came a few years down the line as they grew bored of their marriages… more of that in a future blog!)

Societal norms are changing, women are focusing on a career before having children, there is less pressure to settle down young and it is perfectly acceptable for all genders to stay single.

Young men in their early 20’s therefore have the time and money to spend on sex workers. It is an attractive option to those who enjoy being single but still want female company from time to time, in fact booking an escort is often more cost effective than taking a non-sex worker out for multiple dates to potentially not even get laid!

Fantasies which stem from porn

Nowadays, young people grow up with easy access to porn which shapes their sexuality. I’ve met clients who have fallen down the rabbit hole of watching online videos on a plethora of fetishes and fantasies which they are desperate to try out in real life. Being embarrassed to share their desires with “civilian” women, they instead book a session with a fetish-friendly escort like myself who they know will be non-judgemental.

Booking an escort is becoming less taboo

I don’t want to hold my breath, sex work has a long way to go before becoming a socially accepted vocation, however the younger generation are far more accepting of sex work than they were 10 years ago.

 I feel this is likely due to social media and sex workers speaking out about the industry. For many young men booking a sex worker isn’t a big deal or something to be ashamed of. It is simply a logical, easy way to get intimate with someone.

Because I’m older I’m more attractive to younger men

I’m in my 30’s, not quite old enough to be a cougar, but still old enough to attract a 25 year old who desires a woman with experience.

 Some clients have told me that because they are shy themselves, they want to be with someone more self-confident than women of their own age. Others are inexperienced sexually and want someone to show them the ropes so to speak. For others who fantasise about being with an older woman, booking an escort is their chance to make their desires a reality.

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Personally, I find it feels strange to have sex with anyone younger than myself. A 21 year old is an adult and free to book an escort as they please, but the age gap is a huge turn off for me. After many enquiries from lads in their early 20’s, I implemented a minimum age limit of 25 but in all honesty I would prefer all of my clients to be 40 plus! Even seeing clients the same age as me feels a little awkward.

I thrive off the reality escape which sex work gives me. I find it intriguing to meet people with vastly different lives than my own and connecting with those I would never meet under other circumstances. Whereas, a dinner date with a business man in his 50’s is something the real me would never do, a few hours with a 32 year old who shares my interests hits too close to home. I’ve had bookings with men who would easily fit in to my personal social circle, I do sometimes worry that we may have mutual friends in the “real world” but luckily I haven’t bumped into any of them at a social event yet!

I now realise that I dehumanised my clients over the years. Having nothing in common with the men double my age, it was easy for me to view them as nothing more than walking ATMs who I had no qualms hustling money from. Sex and power are closely entwined and it gave me a real kick to be a young woman who had authoritative older men falling at her feet, parting ways with their money just to spend time with her.

I feel a wave of guilt when a 30 year old hands over a wad of their hard earned cash- at the risk of mimicking a boomer who complains about my generation “wasting” their money - they should be saving to buy a house!

My rates are not cheap, and when these very ordinary young men with very average incomes return month after month, I almost want to scream at them to stop! I understand it can become addictive to have a woman who wouldn’t usually give them the time of day suddenly offer her undivided attention, but it’s an incredibly expensive addiction. I just hope they don’t regret their spending in the future.

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On the positive side, I’ve noticed the ego boost seeing an escort gives to young men. I’ve witnessed regulars transform in the matter of months, from being unable to speak to women to becoming confident enough to find a partner in the “real world”.

Sex workers usually have hard boundaries and will call out bad behaviour. I like to think that clients take what they learn around boundaries into their personal dating lives.

 As I mentioned earlier, younger clients are far more respectful than their older counterparts. The average 25 year old is familiar with the Me Too movement, has an awareness of social issues, likely taken part in discussions around feminism and is conscious of consent. In fact, many appear to be almost afraid of women, which is the polar opposite to some of the entitled 70 year old clients who refuse to alter the misogynistic views they grew up with.

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My clients are getting younger, and yes, of course, I am getting older. It’s hard to say whether my shift in clientele is due to my age or our ever changing society, I believe it is a bit of both.

One thing is for sure, the way humans date and find partners has changed dramatically in the past few years, it makes sense that this has had a knock on impact on the sex industry. Time will tell whether clients currently in their 20’s continue booking escorts throughout their lives or if the desire to settle down in a steady, romantic relationship will win.

What are your thoughts?

The Secret Escort x

*In this blog, I refer to clients as male and sex workers as female as that is true in the majority of cases. However it is important to note that clients and sex workers of all genders exist. This blog reflects my own personal experience and thoughts as a cis female escort with male clientele.