Is it dangerous to visit a sex worker?
A note to male clientele who believe they are putting themselves in physical danger when visiting a female sex worker
I’ve heard it a million times. Sex workers discussing safety online when a client butts his head in “But it’s dangerous for us too!”
I’m in a position where I can screen my clients but I still come across men who refuse to share their personal information or a send deposit as they are “afraid” of what may happen, or sometimes ask for my personal information as they insist “I need to feel safe too!” (Needless to say I ignore these emails)
I’ve met clients who confessed they were “scared” to meet me. They tell me how “nervous” and “worried” they were as they waited for me to arrive, playing out scenarios in their minds about all the terrible things which could go wrong. “I was scared you wouldn’t look like the woman in your photos”
Boo hoo, you were scared that I used fake photos? As a lone woman visiting a strange man from the internet, I was anxious for entirely different reasons. Making out that you are the one who should be afraid is totally tone deaf.
Being alone with any stranger regardless of gender has an element of danger to it but, let’s face it, women are at a higher risk of violence from men than men are from women.
“But it dangerous for clients too! People aren’t always who they say they are, what if the door opens and there’s a MAN on the other side?”
Well done, you are so close to getting it! I’m glad you have acknowledged how terrifying it can be to be alone with a strange man. As a sex worker, there is a 100% chance that when I open the door a man will be stood on the other side. Perhaps now you can empathise with how scary it is to be confronted by someone who is bigger and stronger than you.
If a man opens the door to you, as a client, then I assume alarm bells would ring and you would immediately run.
As a sex worker I invite him in. I can’t get a sense of his character until we have spent a couple of minutes together and if I begin to feel uneasy it can then be difficult to leave. Then, of course, there is a chance that someone I initially feel safe with could turn halfway through the booking or even months after becoming a regular client. We always have to have our guard up.
“okay fine, but…but…but you could rob me!”
If you are stupid enough to bring your riches to an escort booking then what can I say? If you invite her to your home, leave your valuables on display then let her wander around your home unsupervised don’t complain that things have gone missing. I don’t condone stealing but the fact is it can and does happen but there are many ways you can manage the risk.
Us sex workers are also at risk of being robbed. You know we have cash on us, especially if you yourself have just handed us payment. Usually bigger and physically stronger, it is far easier for a man to overpower a woman and take what he wants.
You as a client may be afraid a girl from the internet will take your wallet, we are afraid you will rape and murder us. It is not the same. At all.
“But, but, but you could rape and murder me too”
Shut up. I have heard men say this and it is so stupid I want to punch them in the face. Let’s say you were catfished and a hypothetical big burly man answered the door, despite booking a woman, for some crazy reason you entered his home. Once alone, he took your wallet. He then raped you. Then he killed you.
The chances of that happening are so slim it’s barely even worth thinking about. The chances of that happening to us, as female sex workers, are a hell of a lot higher. This is why we have concerns for our safety. It is why we take precautions. It is why we screen our clients if we are in a position to do so and it is why we will never feel completely relaxed when alone with you.
Clients see escorts in their free time for fun. If they truly felt afraid for their safety then they wouldn’t put themselves in that situation.
Sex workers see their clients in order to pay rent, buy food and pay bills. It is their job. The law in the UK means we can’t work with others for safety (such as in a brothel) so we must work alone which of course is more dangerous.
Those who are able to will manage risk by asking for ID, taking references from other workers, have security in the next room or request to only meet in hotels where they feel safe. Although nothing is foolproof, if a client is willing to share his personal information and I fully screen him I actually feel safer than I would with anyone I meet on a dating app in my personal life.
It is therefore a complete insult when I receive emails from men asking to meet but declare they will not abide by my screening methods. Thankfully I am in a privileged position where I can turn down requests which make me feel uncomfortable but the fact these men are so oblivious to the dangers women face makes me angry.
Clients, please stop making everything about you. Please realise how difficult this job can be sometimes and respect the safety measures escorts put in place. If you genuinely feel that meeting a sex worker is dangerous for you then don’t do it. If you do meet sex workers then please do everything you can to help them feel comfortable and at ease. Meeting a sex worker is not nearly as dangerous for the client as it is for the worker.
The Secret Escort x
I haven’t had occasion to be a client of a sex worker, so this may distort my view through bias, but I’d like to see the social status of sex workers greatly elevated. This ought to be high-status work, not work put next to shame.