"Who are they trying to convince themselves or me? I smile and nod but inside I’m wondering why they think I care."
They already know that you don't care but imagine keeping something that's been burdening you and brewing in a bottle for so long. It's pressure that's waiting to get released. There's no risk of a confession being busted on you. No pun intended.
"as soon as they orgasm they rush me out the door."
A woman will never understand post nut clarity. It's like being drunk and then suddenly snapped into being sober within a second. It's a good and bad feeling tbh.
What an incredible summary of the male perspecrive. Both depth as well as truth. Sex workers are so under appreciated for the critical and valuable role they plays. Kudos for your bravery and candor. Thank you for the truth!
I love this, thank you. There are thousands of articles out right now about the ‘gender war’ that include hysterical musings re: intimate relations between the sexes. None of them have this kind of concrete, real world perspective.
Love this so much, it’s fascinating, I’ve always got so many questions for you. I personally at 54 , can’t think of anything other than having a monogamous relationship, anything else makes me feel 🤢, but like you my experiences have shown me that guys cheat. I’ve been cheated on by everyone I’ve dated, but not because they are not getting fulfilling sex, cos they are! It’s usually me that wants more 😃 if you ever fancy a read of my dating diaries you can see what I’ve experienced! I’d love to know if you are single or in a relationship? How did you get into this, I hope you are saving all my questions up 😆
Great writing for a start. Secondly, if you do anything that you would not want your partner to do to you then don't do it. If you think it will hurt them if they found out, then don't do it.
I think both sides settle for the relationship they have rather than trying to deepen and strengthen it. If people did the work on themselves and resolved their past trauma etc, then they would have a clearer picture of reality. They would be more aware of their actions and the impact that it has on others. They would take responsibility for their lives and not seek distraction.
Humans have the ability to convince themselves that any action they take is justified, when in reality, it is not. We would live in a better world, if people acted in a better way. If the husband got caught, he would literally create trauma for his wife and kids. Self-responsibility.
I have friends who are sex workers and Pro Dommes and I get all the different reasons you mention. What I don’t understand is why there is such a need to lie about all of this. Open and honest communication in relationships, be they monogamous or polyamorous would save so much harm being done in the world. Societies stories around relationships, especially holding monogamous ones on such a pedestal causes so much damage.
Or celibate! No dragging around anyone's baggage at all!. Don't bother with these men or anyone for a few years and see how your mental health improves
Religion. Remember that one. The lake of fire brainwashing, etc, messes with many folks. Also lack of trust between the two!! Old wounds. Buried rage. Rape trauma. Shame. For a few reasons.
If your man has to screw around and get sex on the side, I guess I’d rather he got it from a prostitute who is clean and reputable, instead of starting up an affair with somebody we know, who might easily turn into some big mess… until we all end up on Dateline because she wanted to get rid of me so she could marry him!
How can any of these men be safe or respectful when they use economic power to have their way? That's not consent at all, it's predatory. You talk about them feeling sad about the affair, but no, they just view people as sex dolls becsuse they're bad people. In the circles I live in, people doesn't authentically love each other, resulting in tragic situations like this. Wanting your partner to Se*ually extort someone instead of being a cheater is a terrifying thing to hear imo.
The last thing I want to do is to criticize a sex worker, as they are the victims in this perverted society and are usually in a position where they have no other choice.
I apologize if I am coming off as ignorant or judgemental. I am very passionate about the safety for sex workers and this post solidified as to why. It's another reminder of men's vile nature.
It’s not predatory if both parties are enthusiastically consenting. I suggest you subscribe to my blog as this is exactly the kind of stereotype I’m trying to combat :)
That's just reinforcing a terrifying idea that men can continue treating Women as objects. If someone paid me to beat me into a pulp, It would still be wrong as much as I "enthusiastically consented". They can't consent if the reasons for doing it are purely financial. How can you even think that? You're not combating a stereotype, you are apologizing for sex offenders.
I understand wanting to find some justification as they are living in their field (by choice or not), but blending predatory behavior with consent is not something to be normalized. My young niece should not have to live in a world like that. It's wrong
why on earth would you consent to being beaten into a pulp?!
I’ve been a sex worker for 12 years and it’s the best job for me, I get treated better than I have done at any other job I’ve had (retail, healthcare, hospitality). We live in a world where us women get sexualised every single moment of every single day, we may as well capitalise off it. Sex work is a choice, it’s literally none of anyone else’s business what people do behind closed doors
That's a hypothetical, I imagine you wouldn't consider that assault if they both "enthusiastically consent". Point Is I Can't consent to harm, no matter how I justify it.
It is your choice. Doesn't change the fact that the men you are defending are awful people who should be in jail and would be too if caught, depending where a person lives. You are absolutely right in what YOU are doing is nobody else's business. As I said, the escorts are the victims. You even admit that you're capitalizing on the creeps, due to their history of it. Which I honestly respect.
But making excuses for the creeps in public post? A world for women to be safe, that's not a hill worth dying on.
Let me reiterate that I have no problem with your field, you don't have to defend what you are doing for a living. If you're happy, I'm happy. But I don't think it's irrational to be critical when someone Is (at least somewhat) making light of SA.
But isn't any kind of work a negative thing? Isn't the exploitation of a McDonald's worker, someone who has the job just for the paycheck, also a bad thing? At least the SWer chose the work!
McDonald's workers are being economically exploited by their bosses, which Is very wrong but not exactly the same as exploiting someone ssexually. As for McD customers, I don't think they conflict as much trauma on the workers as much those who pay for consent (which is in itself not consent)
Domestic violence and burglary and embezzlement and rape are done behind closed doors, and they, like sex work, are antisocial behaviors. Sex work could not exist without exploitation and patriarchal oppression, and it is a vector of dehumanization and antisociality itself. Let’s not pretend that sex work is a job like being a barista. It should not exist, and people should not “choose” it, and it we must create a world in which it is an impossibility.
That commenter has so so so much personal work to do. It's so goddamn backwards they think it's right side up again. Wow. Heavy stuff, repressed and confused stuff. Gonna take a lot of work and probably will not get done cuz I'm not sensing a willingness to listen and learn there. This is why the bear is chosen!
Sexual favors and physical labor are two different things. But if your labor is exploited (economically and/physically), then yes, that is also wrong. Both are cases of economic power being used for selfish purposes.
Read again. You may want to live In a world where a woman's body can be served on a plate because that would be easier, but sex workers are the most vulnerable demographic in the world. They are subjected to the most gruesome people who have too much money. The reasons as to why someone becomes a sex worker differ, as it is their choice. That's why it should be decriminalized and create opportunities for escorts to leave their field if they wish. But it doesn't change the fact that sw is systemically disadvantageous in society, and that's because it generally benefits men. You are excusing centuries of bad behavior by acting like the men aren't indulging in predatory behavior
I agree that SW should be decriminalized, and that would definitely make it safer for the women involved. However, I expect that you might find an increase in women making that choice rather than a decrease.
"Who are they trying to convince themselves or me? I smile and nod but inside I’m wondering why they think I care."
They already know that you don't care but imagine keeping something that's been burdening you and brewing in a bottle for so long. It's pressure that's waiting to get released. There's no risk of a confession being busted on you. No pun intended.
"as soon as they orgasm they rush me out the door."
A woman will never understand post nut clarity. It's like being drunk and then suddenly snapped into being sober within a second. It's a good and bad feeling tbh.
Haha I’ve witnessed “post-nut clarity” many a time but you are right I don’t think women actually experience it themselves.
Thank you for reading 😊
Such great perspectives! I appreciate how you've noticed these patterns over the years and are willing to share them with the class.
What an incredible summary of the male perspecrive. Both depth as well as truth. Sex workers are so under appreciated for the critical and valuable role they plays. Kudos for your bravery and candor. Thank you for the truth!
I love this, thank you. There are thousands of articles out right now about the ‘gender war’ that include hysterical musings re: intimate relations between the sexes. None of them have this kind of concrete, real world perspective.
Loved this! im so glad to see other sex workers sharing their thoughts and experiences on here! you have a new reader and subscriber! 💕💋
Thank you for reading!
Well written and argued. There's a whole book to be written on this subject...
I agree! So many experiences and perspectives. Thanks for reading!
I feel you! ❤️
Thank you for writing this!!!!
Thanks for taking the time to read it ☺️
Love this so much, it’s fascinating, I’ve always got so many questions for you. I personally at 54 , can’t think of anything other than having a monogamous relationship, anything else makes me feel 🤢, but like you my experiences have shown me that guys cheat. I’ve been cheated on by everyone I’ve dated, but not because they are not getting fulfilling sex, cos they are! It’s usually me that wants more 😃 if you ever fancy a read of my dating diaries you can see what I’ve experienced! I’d love to know if you are single or in a relationship? How did you get into this, I hope you are saving all my questions up 😆
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I’ll be sure to have a read of your dating diaries, I love to hear other people’s stories.
Your questions are noted, I have a lot to write about ☺️
Great writing for a start. Secondly, if you do anything that you would not want your partner to do to you then don't do it. If you think it will hurt them if they found out, then don't do it.
I think both sides settle for the relationship they have rather than trying to deepen and strengthen it. If people did the work on themselves and resolved their past trauma etc, then they would have a clearer picture of reality. They would be more aware of their actions and the impact that it has on others. They would take responsibility for their lives and not seek distraction.
Humans have the ability to convince themselves that any action they take is justified, when in reality, it is not. We would live in a better world, if people acted in a better way. If the husband got caught, he would literally create trauma for his wife and kids. Self-responsibility.
I have friends who are sex workers and Pro Dommes and I get all the different reasons you mention. What I don’t understand is why there is such a need to lie about all of this. Open and honest communication in relationships, be they monogamous or polyamorous would save so much harm being done in the world. Societies stories around relationships, especially holding monogamous ones on such a pedestal causes so much damage.
Thank you. It’s the lies that are the problem. Either be single or polyamorous if you want to have freer rein.
Or celibate! No dragging around anyone's baggage at all!. Don't bother with these men or anyone for a few years and see how your mental health improves
Religion. Remember that one. The lake of fire brainwashing, etc, messes with many folks. Also lack of trust between the two!! Old wounds. Buried rage. Rape trauma. Shame. For a few reasons.
Yeah the world has so much to unpack.
I enjoy reading your pieces. Nicely written.
Thank you 💜
I am a S worker too. I will never marry or actually be in a relationship after what I’ve seen with man. I don’t trust them. Their nature. No thanks.
I hear this with both ears.
Reading the comments is as fascinating as reading your lived experience. Especially as someone who studies human behavior for a living.
If your man has to screw around and get sex on the side, I guess I’d rather he got it from a prostitute who is clean and reputable, instead of starting up an affair with somebody we know, who might easily turn into some big mess… until we all end up on Dateline because she wanted to get rid of me so she could marry him!
Yes! Gawd please not the work-wife secretary.
Random desperate hootchies and their cooties which the wives then get.
How can any of these men be safe or respectful when they use economic power to have their way? That's not consent at all, it's predatory. You talk about them feeling sad about the affair, but no, they just view people as sex dolls becsuse they're bad people. In the circles I live in, people doesn't authentically love each other, resulting in tragic situations like this. Wanting your partner to Se*ually extort someone instead of being a cheater is a terrifying thing to hear imo.
The last thing I want to do is to criticize a sex worker, as they are the victims in this perverted society and are usually in a position where they have no other choice.
I apologize if I am coming off as ignorant or judgemental. I am very passionate about the safety for sex workers and this post solidified as to why. It's another reminder of men's vile nature.
It’s not predatory if both parties are enthusiastically consenting. I suggest you subscribe to my blog as this is exactly the kind of stereotype I’m trying to combat :)
That's just reinforcing a terrifying idea that men can continue treating Women as objects. If someone paid me to beat me into a pulp, It would still be wrong as much as I "enthusiastically consented". They can't consent if the reasons for doing it are purely financial. How can you even think that? You're not combating a stereotype, you are apologizing for sex offenders.
I understand wanting to find some justification as they are living in their field (by choice or not), but blending predatory behavior with consent is not something to be normalized. My young niece should not have to live in a world like that. It's wrong
why on earth would you consent to being beaten into a pulp?!
I’ve been a sex worker for 12 years and it’s the best job for me, I get treated better than I have done at any other job I’ve had (retail, healthcare, hospitality). We live in a world where us women get sexualised every single moment of every single day, we may as well capitalise off it. Sex work is a choice, it’s literally none of anyone else’s business what people do behind closed doors
That's a hypothetical, I imagine you wouldn't consider that assault if they both "enthusiastically consent". Point Is I Can't consent to harm, no matter how I justify it.
It is your choice. Doesn't change the fact that the men you are defending are awful people who should be in jail and would be too if caught, depending where a person lives. You are absolutely right in what YOU are doing is nobody else's business. As I said, the escorts are the victims. You even admit that you're capitalizing on the creeps, due to their history of it. Which I honestly respect.
But making excuses for the creeps in public post? A world for women to be safe, that's not a hill worth dying on.
Let me reiterate that I have no problem with your field, you don't have to defend what you are doing for a living. If you're happy, I'm happy. But I don't think it's irrational to be critical when someone Is (at least somewhat) making light of SA.
.
But isn't any kind of work a negative thing? Isn't the exploitation of a McDonald's worker, someone who has the job just for the paycheck, also a bad thing? At least the SWer chose the work!
McDonald's workers are being economically exploited by their bosses, which Is very wrong but not exactly the same as exploiting someone ssexually. As for McD customers, I don't think they conflict as much trauma on the workers as much those who pay for consent (which is in itself not consent)
Domestic violence and burglary and embezzlement and rape are done behind closed doors, and they, like sex work, are antisocial behaviors. Sex work could not exist without exploitation and patriarchal oppression, and it is a vector of dehumanization and antisociality itself. Let’s not pretend that sex work is a job like being a barista. It should not exist, and people should not “choose” it, and it we must create a world in which it is an impossibility.
That's a lot of SHOULD. You sound jealous.
That commenter has so so so much personal work to do. It's so goddamn backwards they think it's right side up again. Wow. Heavy stuff, repressed and confused stuff. Gonna take a lot of work and probably will not get done cuz I'm not sensing a willingness to listen and learn there. This is why the bear is chosen!
Sexual favors and physical labor are two different things. But if your labor is exploited (economically and/physically), then yes, that is also wrong. Both are cases of economic power being used for selfish purposes.
Read again. You may want to live In a world where a woman's body can be served on a plate because that would be easier, but sex workers are the most vulnerable demographic in the world. They are subjected to the most gruesome people who have too much money. The reasons as to why someone becomes a sex worker differ, as it is their choice. That's why it should be decriminalized and create opportunities for escorts to leave their field if they wish. But it doesn't change the fact that sw is systemically disadvantageous in society, and that's because it generally benefits men. You are excusing centuries of bad behavior by acting like the men aren't indulging in predatory behavior
I agree that SW should be decriminalized, and that would definitely make it safer for the women involved. However, I expect that you might find an increase in women making that choice rather than a decrease.
Again, and that's their right. What Is not right are the men using that as an excuse to justify their sexual exploitation.
Escorts = Innocent
Clients = Sexual extortionists
Feminist brainrot
"Enthusiatic consent".
Such fucking garbage.
You sound jealous too. It's sad.
👍🏽🔥❤️
Feminist alert (men don’t fancy her).