"Who are they trying to convince themselves or me? I smile and nod but inside I’m wondering why they think I care."
They already know that you don't care but imagine keeping something that's been burdening you and brewing in a bottle for so long. It's pressure that's waiting to get released. There's no risk of a confession being busted on you. No pun intended.
"as soon as they orgasm they rush me out the door."
A woman will never understand post nut clarity. It's like being drunk and then suddenly snapped into being sober within a second. It's a good and bad feeling tbh.
loved the piece @secretescort! just here to point out that women do, in fact, experience post-orgasm clarity too. society normalized this idea that women do not feel or have sex in the same way men do, and while many do not because of their socialization, there are women who do. offering this solely because it's a quietly misogynistic ideal that we can unlearn, together.
What an incredible summary of the male perspecrive. Both depth as well as truth. Sex workers are so under appreciated for the critical and valuable role they plays. Kudos for your bravery and candor. Thank you for the truth!
I love this, thank you. There are thousands of articles out right now about the ‘gender war’ that include hysterical musings re: intimate relations between the sexes. None of them have this kind of concrete, real world perspective.
Great writing for a start. Secondly, if you do anything that you would not want your partner to do to you then don't do it. If you think it will hurt them if they found out, then don't do it.
I think both sides settle for the relationship they have rather than trying to deepen and strengthen it. If people did the work on themselves and resolved their past trauma etc, then they would have a clearer picture of reality. They would be more aware of their actions and the impact that it has on others. They would take responsibility for their lives and not seek distraction.
Humans have the ability to convince themselves that any action they take is justified, when in reality, it is not. We would live in a better world, if people acted in a better way. If the husband got caught, he would literally create trauma for his wife and kids. Self-responsibility.
Although this is well written it is still an excuse for men’s bad behavior. An apology for deceptive men lying to their wives and placing the blame on their wives. If a man isn’t getting sex at home it begs the question, why? Could it be the “guilty” men who book a short appointment and leave as soon as they get off aren’t acting out of guilt at all but just approach sex this way period? They have some weird shame around sex that keeps them from fulfilling their partner or worse don’t care about their partners needs? Is it possible that the “confident” men are just narcissistic assholes who view women as objects to be used for their own pleasure? That the confident men have abused their marriages to the point that their spouses are no longer interested in sex because all trust has been obliterated. In my opinion, the only honorable men in your piece are the ones in open relationships because they are the only one’s who are not liars. I’m not saying this as a criticism of sex work or even of your observations of men’s behavior but merely to point out that this is only one side of the coin. Each of these married men in the first two categories has a spouse they are lying to and a family they are putting at risk with each encounter. It is not your job as a sex worker to concern yourself with these matters but to provide a service for compensation. But please don’t blame the wives for these men’s choices. You have no idea what has occurred in her marriage that resulted in her no longer wanting intimacy with someone she once loved enough to marry. I’m going to go out on a limb here and propose it might be because they married a lying cheater who is far more concerned with his own needs than hers.
In my experience, women stop wanting sex for a few reasons, they feel unsafe, controlled or neglected. I know one couple in an open relationship bc the wife stopped wanting intimacy, but emotionally, she was inwardly wrecked by this. Even though she claimed to be supportive. Anyway, people are so complex. Relationships are too. There’s always the other side of the story too…my ex was always the sad little victim lol
Agreed. This did seem a lot like wife shaming. Men should take responsibility for their own actions. It was more of "she did this, so he is forced to..." No. They can take responsibility for their wants and needs. It's a very tired narrative and personally, I'd love to see more explanation that maybe these husbands really just suck as partners.
Love this so much, it’s fascinating, I’ve always got so many questions for you. I personally at 54 , can’t think of anything other than having a monogamous relationship, anything else makes me feel 🤢, but like you my experiences have shown me that guys cheat. I’ve been cheated on by everyone I’ve dated, but not because they are not getting fulfilling sex, cos they are! It’s usually me that wants more 😃 if you ever fancy a read of my dating diaries you can see what I’ve experienced! I’d love to know if you are single or in a relationship? How did you get into this, I hope you are saving all my questions up 😆
I have friends who are sex workers and Pro Dommes and I get all the different reasons you mention. What I don’t understand is why there is such a need to lie about all of this. Open and honest communication in relationships, be they monogamous or polyamorous would save so much harm being done in the world. Societies stories around relationships, especially holding monogamous ones on such a pedestal causes so much damage.
Or celibate! No dragging around anyone's baggage at all!. Don't bother with these men or anyone for a few years and see how your mental health improves
Religion. Remember that one. The lake of fire brainwashing, etc, messes with many folks. Also lack of trust between the two!! Old wounds. Buried rage. Rape trauma. Shame. For a few reasons.
I agree with every word. I was one of those married men who secretly visited escorts like you. You guys honestly saved my life in the midst of a bad sexless manipulative mentally torturous marriage I didn’t yet have the guts to leave. Thank you and your friends for being there.
I’m now divorced and with a great woman. We satisfy each other completely. But I will always thank sex workers for carrying me through the dark times when I most needed them.
If your man has to screw around and get sex on the side, I guess I’d rather he got it from a prostitute who is clean and reputable, instead of starting up an affair with somebody we know, who might easily turn into some big mess… until we all end up on Dateline because she wanted to get rid of me so she could marry him!
"Who are they trying to convince themselves or me? I smile and nod but inside I’m wondering why they think I care."
They already know that you don't care but imagine keeping something that's been burdening you and brewing in a bottle for so long. It's pressure that's waiting to get released. There's no risk of a confession being busted on you. No pun intended.
"as soon as they orgasm they rush me out the door."
A woman will never understand post nut clarity. It's like being drunk and then suddenly snapped into being sober within a second. It's a good and bad feeling tbh.
Haha I’ve witnessed “post-nut clarity” many a time but you are right I don’t think women actually experience it themselves.
Thank you for reading 😊
Women have similar clarity at various points in her cycle, actually
loved the piece @secretescort! just here to point out that women do, in fact, experience post-orgasm clarity too. society normalized this idea that women do not feel or have sex in the same way men do, and while many do not because of their socialization, there are women who do. offering this solely because it's a quietly misogynistic ideal that we can unlearn, together.
Such great perspectives! I appreciate how you've noticed these patterns over the years and are willing to share them with the class.
What an incredible summary of the male perspecrive. Both depth as well as truth. Sex workers are so under appreciated for the critical and valuable role they plays. Kudos for your bravery and candor. Thank you for the truth!
I love this, thank you. There are thousands of articles out right now about the ‘gender war’ that include hysterical musings re: intimate relations between the sexes. None of them have this kind of concrete, real world perspective.
Loved this! im so glad to see other sex workers sharing their thoughts and experiences on here! you have a new reader and subscriber! 💕💋
Thank you for reading!
Great writing for a start. Secondly, if you do anything that you would not want your partner to do to you then don't do it. If you think it will hurt them if they found out, then don't do it.
I think both sides settle for the relationship they have rather than trying to deepen and strengthen it. If people did the work on themselves and resolved their past trauma etc, then they would have a clearer picture of reality. They would be more aware of their actions and the impact that it has on others. They would take responsibility for their lives and not seek distraction.
Humans have the ability to convince themselves that any action they take is justified, when in reality, it is not. We would live in a better world, if people acted in a better way. If the husband got caught, he would literally create trauma for his wife and kids. Self-responsibility.
Well written and argued. There's a whole book to be written on this subject...
I agree! So many experiences and perspectives. Thanks for reading!
Although this is well written it is still an excuse for men’s bad behavior. An apology for deceptive men lying to their wives and placing the blame on their wives. If a man isn’t getting sex at home it begs the question, why? Could it be the “guilty” men who book a short appointment and leave as soon as they get off aren’t acting out of guilt at all but just approach sex this way period? They have some weird shame around sex that keeps them from fulfilling their partner or worse don’t care about their partners needs? Is it possible that the “confident” men are just narcissistic assholes who view women as objects to be used for their own pleasure? That the confident men have abused their marriages to the point that their spouses are no longer interested in sex because all trust has been obliterated. In my opinion, the only honorable men in your piece are the ones in open relationships because they are the only one’s who are not liars. I’m not saying this as a criticism of sex work or even of your observations of men’s behavior but merely to point out that this is only one side of the coin. Each of these married men in the first two categories has a spouse they are lying to and a family they are putting at risk with each encounter. It is not your job as a sex worker to concern yourself with these matters but to provide a service for compensation. But please don’t blame the wives for these men’s choices. You have no idea what has occurred in her marriage that resulted in her no longer wanting intimacy with someone she once loved enough to marry. I’m going to go out on a limb here and propose it might be because they married a lying cheater who is far more concerned with his own needs than hers.
In my experience, women stop wanting sex for a few reasons, they feel unsafe, controlled or neglected. I know one couple in an open relationship bc the wife stopped wanting intimacy, but emotionally, she was inwardly wrecked by this. Even though she claimed to be supportive. Anyway, people are so complex. Relationships are too. There’s always the other side of the story too…my ex was always the sad little victim lol
Agreed. This did seem a lot like wife shaming. Men should take responsibility for their own actions. It was more of "she did this, so he is forced to..." No. They can take responsibility for their wants and needs. It's a very tired narrative and personally, I'd love to see more explanation that maybe these husbands really just suck as partners.
I am a S worker too. I will never marry or actually be in a relationship after what I’ve seen with man. I don’t trust them. Their nature. No thanks.
I hear this with both ears.
Thank you for writing this!!!!
Thanks for taking the time to read it ☺️
Love this so much, it’s fascinating, I’ve always got so many questions for you. I personally at 54 , can’t think of anything other than having a monogamous relationship, anything else makes me feel 🤢, but like you my experiences have shown me that guys cheat. I’ve been cheated on by everyone I’ve dated, but not because they are not getting fulfilling sex, cos they are! It’s usually me that wants more 😃 if you ever fancy a read of my dating diaries you can see what I’ve experienced! I’d love to know if you are single or in a relationship? How did you get into this, I hope you are saving all my questions up 😆
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I’ll be sure to have a read of your dating diaries, I love to hear other people’s stories.
Your questions are noted, I have a lot to write about ☺️
I feel you! ❤️
I have friends who are sex workers and Pro Dommes and I get all the different reasons you mention. What I don’t understand is why there is such a need to lie about all of this. Open and honest communication in relationships, be they monogamous or polyamorous would save so much harm being done in the world. Societies stories around relationships, especially holding monogamous ones on such a pedestal causes so much damage.
Thank you. It’s the lies that are the problem. Either be single or polyamorous if you want to have freer rein.
Or celibate! No dragging around anyone's baggage at all!. Don't bother with these men or anyone for a few years and see how your mental health improves
Religion. Remember that one. The lake of fire brainwashing, etc, messes with many folks. Also lack of trust between the two!! Old wounds. Buried rage. Rape trauma. Shame. For a few reasons.
Yeah the world has so much to unpack.
I agree with every word. I was one of those married men who secretly visited escorts like you. You guys honestly saved my life in the midst of a bad sexless manipulative mentally torturous marriage I didn’t yet have the guts to leave. Thank you and your friends for being there.
I’m now divorced and with a great woman. We satisfy each other completely. But I will always thank sex workers for carrying me through the dark times when I most needed them.
☺️
I enjoy reading your pieces. Nicely written.
Thank you 💜
If your man has to screw around and get sex on the side, I guess I’d rather he got it from a prostitute who is clean and reputable, instead of starting up an affair with somebody we know, who might easily turn into some big mess… until we all end up on Dateline because she wanted to get rid of me so she could marry him!
Yes! Gawd please not the work-wife secretary.
Random desperate hootchies and their cooties which the wives then get.